August 2, 2010
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On the search for my Mojo
Where have I been, you ask...or rather gave up asking months ago if you are one of my long-time readers.
Still here, and "here" is South Dakota for those of you who missed that step in my life almost one year ago. And I'm still a stay-at-home Mama of two - yes, TWO, for those of you who missed that step in my life 11 months ago. Still hanging in there.
Over the past year I have thrown myself into my home life -family, moving, carrying and having a baby, setting up and settling in to my new home and environ, being an extremely supportive wife as my husband started his new job, and so on and so forth. All of this was not only unavoidable and neccessary, but also where my husband and I wanted to be, so all the stress and effort has been worth it, and the payoff has been good - healthy baby, well adjusted four year old, content husband, yada yada.
It has come to my attention recently, however, that I have almost completely neglected myself throughout this entire endevor. Not healthwise, or anything like that - heck, I challenge you to find another mama who ate as many right things when I was carrying Jackson, breastfed until he went on milk, went to all the appropriate drs appointments and actually followed the advice given, etc. From that angle, things look good - I'm a picture of good health, even if I'm lacking the requisite amount of sleep required by the Law of Those With Infants.
It's been more a realization that I haven't kept my mental faculties in tip-top shape. When was the last time I read a book [that wasn't pregnancy or childcare related]? When was the last time I practiced Yoga [not just counting house work as my daily exercise]? When was the last time I enjoyed being outdoors [without worrying about my four year old wondering away from the yard]? When have I written anything [of substance]?
My creative juices are in serious need of FLOW.
Part of me is resigned to the fact that I am at home with my children instead of being out there competing in the Marketplace, toiling away at some desk job. It is a Blessing to raise these boys. I know this. They are wonderful little beings, and it is an honor to be given the opportunity to play such an important role in their lives.
But the other part of me gets a bit depressed when I think of how old I will be when I actually get to have my career and shift my focus away from my home a little.
And part of me keeps reminding myself that Today is the most important thing. Just live Here. Now. And be content with what I have because *really* I am blessed to be here today.
I have a feeling that many women struggle with the question of 'Where did I go?' as they fold laundry, fix lunches, and put bandaides on scrapes.
I'm not unhappy, I'm just wondering what happened to Me in all of this.
Comments (6)
I love it that you are back here and writing a thoughtful post. I see your posts all the time on Facebook as I spend time there, too. However, as I commented on at least one or more of my previous blogs, Facebook has it's place, but it doesn't do it for me totally re: communication. I have lost several subs over time for various reasons, one of which is the migration to FB and leaving Xanga behind. A few are trying to keep up with both FB and Xanga or direct the posts they write to be shared on FB. Others are gone from Xanga for other life rlated reasons.
I think you have made the right decision in staying home and being an available mother to your boys. I can tell you love it. However, I well understand the need for more mental and physical actities that stimulate. You have taken the first step in dealing with what you are wondering about. You now have identified it, so now you can look at ways to make the changes you want to reclaim your "self" (yo "mojo").
Welcome Back!
~~Blessings 'n Cheers
Come back to Xanga and write when you get the chance!!!
That is a very legit concern/question, and i hope you're able to wrassle it to sleep. Because living one life temporarily while waiting for the "real one" to come back is a recipe for a troubled mind. May your children rise up and call you blessed!
Dear Roddy,
Long time no see. I thought I'd commented here about a week ago, but since I sometimes blog from work, I sometimes have to stop Xangaing and start working, so I leave off and forget where I was. Sounds like you are content but questioning, like a lot of people.
"I have a feeling that many women struggle with the question of 'Where did I go?' as they fold laundry, fix lunches, and put bandaides on scrapes." Some years back, like in my mother's generation, that's all women were expected to do. I once saw a film (I won't mention the title so I don't spoil anything, although it's a 20 year old movie) where a woman's husband and daughter are killed and she's talking to the guy who was going to marry the daughter. "I was a mother and a wife," she says, bewildered, "Now I don't know what I am..... a woman?"
It's a lot to be a woman (although of course what would I know, being a man).
Since there's another entry, I hope you are going to blog again. You are one of very few I haven't deleted from my sub list yet.
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
"I have a feeling that many women struggle with the question of 'Where did I go?' as they fold laundry, fix lunches, and put bandaides on scrapes."
Hi Emily,
My daughter (mother of 3) has been asking the same while making soup… but she is happy doing it… she thins it worth doing it. Me? I would throw pots and pans through the window…
I deeply admire women who gave up their professional life to be Mother in full time ans support their husbands, as I wouldn't be able of such sacrifice…
Congratulations!
Isabel